Addiction...

The only solution to battling an addiction, is discipline.

An Addition can be so many things. Weed, Sex, Money, Cocaine, Gambling etc. For myself, I've been addicted to a person.

For the majority of my adult years, I've been addicted to the smell, touch, taste, and voice of this person. It's crazy.... I know that this person isn't what I need, my appearance has changed, my heart has changed, and I know mentally I'm scarred but I can't control myself. 

I've tried quitting before but it was an all too familiar relapse; I went cold-turkey and really got myself a almost death-inducing dose that got me so high, I voided my self-respect. I fought for possession of this addiction, I couldn't be without my drug..... what a mistake that was.

Like any narcotic, when it's popular- it has followers and other addicts. How could I be upset that another addict wanted my drug? when that feening comes...it's any person's game. My mistake has been thinking the drug belong to me and only me.

No support group will help, no therapist can prescribe medication for what I feel. I have these moments when I feel like I can overcome this, by using something less potent, but when you've been addicted for so long, you want the familiar taste....familiar high.

It's become painfully clear that although god will allow me to keep tasting, smelling, touching, and feeling my drug- I won't be able to regain sobriety; I won't be able to find a non-habit forming drug.

And that bother's me.

Is it enough to make me stop?

Consider Rehab?

I Don't Know......

TBC