Sunday Message: "Unavailable Men"
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| Does this image reflect your current situation? if so, READ ON |
Happy December! I had not realized that I had not posted a Sunday Message in all of 2013 until I went back through my post and found some good ones like Sunday Message: "God's REJECTION is sometimes God's PROTECTION!" and Sunday Message: "Wake Up Baby"
The purpose of my Sunday Message is to offer inspiration and tools to help Ladies particularly but Men too learn from real life issues.
One issue in my life that I must face is my ability to lust after men, particularly Unavailable Men.
I don't mean, Married and men who are in Relationships but I mean men whose actions, stance, and direction in life prove without any words needed that they are either emotionally, mentally, or commitment unavailable.
We all know that men and women play games. So many people are accustomed to dealing with a particular type of the opposite sex that they believe everyone is like that. Some are accustomed to getting away with bullshit.
So when a real Queen or King comes along they attempt to give the same treatment "I can have my cake and eat it too!, I can give conflicting statements on weather or not I want to be in a relationship!, I can justify my actions and lead people on because I don't do it intentionally" You get the picture.
Some people are just unavailable to the life you want for yourself.
For instance, last night I got to read up on "Unavailable Men" and one site, Psychology Today (I frequent this as a Psychology major) that offers: "Women who are attracted to this type of man find themselves in relationships with men who ultimately won’t commit or settle down, are already married or in another relationship, or are unfaithful in a supposedly monogamous relationship. Women who fall for unavailable men usually feel that they are more committed to the relationship than the men are. These women usually feel that the men have all the power and control in the relationship. Women in relationships with unavailable men feel that they have to work hard to keep their partners interested, and often try to shape themselves into being whatever they think their partners are looking for."
Simply put, relationships with unavailable men are frustrating and unsatisfying, yet too many women try-try-try to stick it out and make things work. The important question is…why?
Women who fall for unavailable men have some profound insecurities andself-esteem issues, and they invest so much in pursuing unavailable men with the following unconscious motive: If the unavailable man finally comes around and commits, they’ll—at long last—have proof that they are worthy. Sadly, without such proof, their self-worth is left hanging in the wind. In addition, these women feel that they've invested so much and waited so long for the unavailable man to come around that the thought of leaving without any payoff is almost unthinkable.
and another:
For women who find themselves in a relationship with an unavailable man, the women don't need to change everything about themslves—they just need to switch their focus. Specifically, they need to switch from focusing their energy into obtaining his affection to focusing on their own emotional needs. If you find yourself stuck in this relationship pattern, working with a therapist or reading a self-help book like Overcome Relationship Repitition Syndrome can give you strategies to move away from the unavailable man and start moving toward a man who's ready for a real, big-boy relationship. If you're willing to do the work to explore your behavior, motivations, and needs, you could find yourself in the near future in a relationship with a man who's actually worth it. Imagine that!
So what's the moral of today's Sunday Message:
Use the intuition, grace, discernment, judgement and strength God has given each and everyone of us. Stop falling victim to people who are "unavailable". Life is to be lived; not run through like a race nor walked thru at a sails pace- find your lane and stay in it. With or without a mate.
Stay tuned for next weeks topic, Narcissism.
Love
MR
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