Dreamin'....

This song takes me to another place.

& now my ramble….

I’ve been thinking so much lately…

As I’m growing and realizing the wrong’s I’ve made, and how I can remember the lesson’s all the pain, anger, and heartbreak have taught me, I’ve really changed in so many ways since I first heard this song back in 07’.

Making the change from a young girl to a Grown Woman has been no easy task. I’m not gonna sit here and tell anybody that it was easy or try & downplay it. When you’re young, nobody prepares you for the shit that life deals you; immaturely, I used to wonder why everybody would say the saying “Life’s a Bitch”. I had it difficult; many have it and have had it worse. I’m not complaining…I’m just saying. Now I know why they say that….I find myself saying it too some days.

When I look at life today, I think back to my decision’s in the past and I’m glad I’m not who I used to be. I DREAMED of becoming the Woman I am at this moment. I’m not perfect, nor am I striving to one day reach perfection….what I am is honest.

I’ve changed mentally by recognizing more about myself; learning to love you should be your first obligation in life. I’m aware that other’s acceptance of me is none of my damn business; IDGAD what or how anybody perceives me, especially if I KNOW it’s false. My self- confidence is building- it’s no longer anger or the “bitch” directing me to be strong minded- it’s me growing as an individual….refusing to follow people, trends or my circumstances.

Emotionally, I’m still in the process of healing and cleansing….but forgiveness is being offered for myself and everything else that’s occurred in my life. For so long I was bogged down by the frustrations of “why did he do this? Why is she treating ME like this?” but as I said before “you must understand that there are something’s in life you just won’t understand”. I accept that the past is what it is, the past and I’m moving forward with my life. I have my days when my mind drifts to the things that I’ve overcome but I realize: I’m Still Standing. What doesn’t kill you, only makes you stronger. With the help and direction of God , my family and friends who truly care about my well-being I know the things I still have trouble with, I’ll Overcome those.

I’ve been blessed to have made so many mistakes in my past, to be forgiven and continuously blessed in ways I could never imagine. It’s not all roses….but it’s not what it used to be. And I’m glad for that.

What this song reminds me of is a time I wanted to be where I am right now. In the thick of the bullshit you couldn’t tell me I was going to make it out and each day grow more content. Each day I’m learning, growing, and fighting….i believe if I continue that I’ll be the Victorious Woman that God created me to be.