To get something you’ve never had. You have to do something you’ve never done.



King B In "Why Don't You Love Me?" But you knew that....

The above picture has been me for the past few days believe it or not...

 Soooooo I’ve officially hit the week mark of being 24 years old….

REFLECTING

For a few months now I’ve felt like I’ve been having a “mid-life crisis”. Everything that’s going RIGHT seems to be overshadowed by a few situations that have left me tired, angry, and pretty much out of sorts. I’ve been getting hit with so much foolishness, it’s a wonder I haven’t lose my damn mind already.

I’ve allowed these circumstances out of my control to dictate my life, how I feel, and take away from the happiness that I normally have. It’s affecting schoolwork, work, and definitely keeping me short with people.

Remember a-while ago I shared the things I wanted to work on in my life? Check the Feature “I Love You...But I Love Myself MORE!”

Worry, Trust, Forgiveness, and Anger

To me, those are the things that I battle daily in trying to become a better woman.

To get something you’ve never had. You have to do something you’ve never done.

In my walk in increasing my faith and just in general that statement has always been pinging in the back of my head. I want things to be different in my life right? What I’m doing right now and have been just isn’t working right? How about I do something’s I’ve never done before because I’ve been too scared, too upset, and worried too much about it.

Tuesday, I finally took that step.

1^st, for about 4 years now I’ve been holding onto someone I love dearly (will always), who means a lot to me BUT isn’t necessarily fit to be in my life right now. Our history is scorned, so much to the point of where I am mentally – I don’t have time to even begin to fix the pieces to the puzzle nor do I feel the other person would be willing to also- I’ve tried, we’ve tried, it just doesn’t work.

It’s been heavy on my mind for some time now that the step I really needed to take was not a simple communication break but an actual break, a “cut-all-ties”, a time for ME to FINALLY HEAL.

That’s what it’s all about for me. The Process of healing the wounds.

If you don’t get to the bitter root, pull it out, and expose it- you’ll never really get whatever it is you’re struggling with, out your system. I’m praying that by cutting all ties with this person, weather temporarily or permanently (God hasn’t shown me yet) that it’s the first big step in making permanent necessary changes in my life. There’s something I’ve done, said, and thought that aren’t what God has wanted me to do so I need to make amends for that. I need to change many aspects of myself as a result of dealing with this person.

2^nd, I’ve let go of all the males in my life that aren’t family. What purpose have they served? None. I haven’t slept with anyone in over a year, a month, and 7 days…so they don’t give me that. No dates, no outings, one didn’t even have the courtesy to let me know he wouldn’t be able to come out on the bday extravaganza so WHY? Again, are these dudes in my life? What are they adding? NOTHING, CUT EM OFF.

3^rd, I’ve reconciled with my best friend. Doing so reminded me just how much she means to me. Aside from the drama we’ve had and the bullshit- one thing always remained certain to me. I love her. Why not realize whatever I’m holding against her was childish, apologize, and make an attempt to do things the right way and cherish the friendship that we do have.

With these 3 major steps I’m praying it kick-starts God’s healing and Recovery process for me.

I’m anxious about changing my life. I’m tired of being the crying girl. The sad girl. The depressed girl who allows her temporary emotions to make a fool out of her. I want the best in life and I’ll be damned if I waste another day NOT striving for it.

Hoping this will encourage some of you ladies and gents to look into your life and get to the roots of any issues you face. What’s holding you back from reaching the fullest potential God put you here for? OK, Change That.