Back Down Memory Lane: A Moment of Realness Part I

On my way to the Doctor’s Friday afternoon I had the opportunity to drive by my very first apartment.

My apartment was on the left, bottom floor

The area seemed the same, they updated some of the exterior and what not but I guess the reason why it seemed so surreal to me was that I drove there, by myself, on my own terms. I’m still getting accustomed to having a driver’s license and owning a car so although this may seem insignificant to someone else- it means A LOT to me. I've never been this independent before  so it's taking some getting used to on my part.

Front Door

I drove up to 11262 Evans Trail and surprisingly felt no weight on my shoulders, but my mind-frame was awfully still. No immediate negative feelings came over me either which is quite surprising because most of the significant changes in my life happened when I lived there. I drove around the back and came upon my front door; seeing my reflection in the glass really brought it home.

Me Circa 2008

In the car before driving off, I realized that I’m no longer that 19/20 year old girl anymore. I’m almost 24 years old, a proud owner of a new car, have a great job, decent health, and most importantly I have a great family who loves and supports me in every decision I've made/make. I've come quite aways from the days in which I lived there, My lifestyle has changed, my mind has changed, even my appearance. 

I thank God for these moments of clarity to realize that although I may be struggling right now with certain things, I've come so far. I’m still fighting each and every day to learn how to forgive others and myself, sincerely pray for those whom I’ve hurt and have hurt me, love those whom love me and those who may not, remove jealous thoughts, envious notions etc. not for anyone else but my own sake. 




I strongly believe now that Life for me will never be perfect; I also cannot conform to what others want me to be- I have to live for ME, Love ME, and care about ME. I’m learning that it’s quite alright to be self-centered to an extent; when you’ve spent so much time, like me, caring for and putting others first, you put yourself on the back burner- which I’m done doing.

I’m steadily changing from who I was with every ounce of my being this time. I tried to change before and failed because I allowed the past to come into my future. I’m dying to the past, only taking the lesson’s learned, forgiving when the time comes and I’m able to do so completely, and loving people from afar. I put previous relationships/friendships/obstacles/worries in God's hands.

I’m going to enjoy my new life; with a fresh outlook, positive perspective and optimistic mindset. No more dwelling on the misfortunes of my past, I’m pushing forward and praying for the best and expecting it.

Sometimes it takes a trip back down memory lane in order to get your sh!t together, so I’m using my moment from my 1^st apartment to get myself on a new track.